Nymphomaniac. . .The Movie

WARNING: 

There is nudity in this post. Deal with it.

I just saw Nymphomaniac in the theater last night.

             Holy Smokes! It rocked!

Most movies that handle the topic of sex, due it in a gentle way. . . 

Not this movie....

That being said. . . This was no 50 Shades of Grey nor did it deal with a love story.

The sex wasn't for shock. . .it was for something way deeper than I can even comprehend.

This was ART, cinema art in its purest film. The movie just happened to be about a girl who believes herself to be a nymphomaniac, and not just that. . .

She despises herself.

So the director leaves it up to us, the viewers, to be her judge and jury.

SO let me discuss this more. . .

The cinematography was brilliant!!

Actually from the film

The cast was actually made up of actors that I've loved and respected for a long time.

there were some scenes that just twisted my heart, 

made me cry, or even. . .yes. . .full on arousal because let me tell you something. . .

THEY SHOWED SEX

I've never seen so many penis shots in my life. . .that was awesome, btw. We need more penises in our movies!! Begin the revolution!!

I never wanted to see Shia LeBouf's penis, but now that I have (as well as watched in go in and out of the actress's woo haw), I must say. . .I rather love the actor.

Although Uma Thurman didn't have a big role. . .when she came on the scene. . .she almost stole the whole damn movie away! Heart wrenching moment. I hope she gets an award.

Christian Slater also did his thing. I do love him though!!

So this is the first volume of this character's story. Volume 2 comes out next month and I will be eagerly waiting to find out what happens next!!

5 Stars for Nymphomaniac. Check out the trailer below: 

Best Man Holiday not it's BEST

I give a sad little C+ to the movie The Best Man Holiday.

 Not even naked, hot Black Men could save it!!

It didn't excel for three reasons: 

One) The writers forgot that the Best Man brand is ROMANTIC COMEDY. WTF was up with all those scenes that made me cry? And yes, I cried, BUT I didn't want to cry.

Two) Everything that made The Best Man awesome was not in Best Man Holiday--suspense, funny jokes, extreme situations, etc

Sure there were a few scenes. . .

but nothing to really make the movie POP.

Three) I just didn't care about any of the characters' lives. I mean was it just me or did most of their lives kind of suck?

And what an amazing cast. . .

Part of me just wanted to say it rocked so I could get more movies with full color casts. . .

but it did suck. . .

and that sucks that it sucked!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FLOOZIE ALICIA "Netflix" Giveaway!!

Floozie Alicia's Birthday is today, so we're giving away a Netflix 12 month subscription gift card!!

(Officially her birthday was yesterday but I felt it would be more convenient for me to celebrate it on today.)

Alicia at 2. What happened? Why does she look like a Troll now? 

Many don't know this (or care), but Alicia is my sister-in-law, who I've been forced to deal with for over ten years.

Alicia, A Six months pregnant me, and my husband right after a Miami Heat game!

So today we're going to do a big Birthday Giveaway of Alicia's favorite things. First, here's a few facts about Alicia!

She's an author!

We call her Chi Chi and she's a reasonably decent aunt of my three kids!

Chi Chi with my youngest Banyan

With my son and oldest daughter.

Additionally, there's a good chance that she can whip your A$$!

She's probably imagining that the board is my face.  :-/

Now let's get into the reasoning behind the Netflix Giveaway Stuff!

You see. . .Chi Chi is a huge GEEK!

When she's not writing, she's on Netflix watching these shows:

If she isn't watching a show, then she's eating SweeTarts, SweeTarts Gummies, Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, Skor or Heath bars and looking at her fav movies!

So for me it made total sense to give some special Winner a Netflix subscription in honor of Alicia (aka Chi Chi)'s Birthday!

Speaking of her nieces and nephew. Happy Birthday Aunt Chi Chi!

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Top 5 Fantasy/ Scifi Movies That Should Be Out Now!

Those that know me well, know that I'm a huge FOODIE (person who actively seeks out diverse restaurants, tries amazing meals, and then orgasms in the restaurant)

I'm ALSO a big MOVIE BUFF (person who rubs their genitals on movies that rock their world)

Right now, I'm going crazy out of my mind as I wait for some movies to come out. 

These aren't just ANY type of movies. . .

NO

These are the Holy Grail of movies. 

Here's my TOP FIVE MUST SEE OR I'LL KILL SOMEBODY MOVIE TRAILERS!!

TOP FIVE

1. Rise of an Empire
The movie 300 rocked. How could this not rock? There's just no freaking way!

2. Thor: The Dark World

Yes. I know the first Thor didn't rock, and Avengers sucked. Yeah. Yeah. I said it! Avengers SUCKED BALLS! I don't care who knows. However, I believe this movie will be so freakishly great it will help me forget that I spend money on those earlier films. Check out this crazy trailer.

3. 47 Ronin

I won't lie to you. I was initially afraid to see this movie after realizing Keenu Reeves is in it. I mean seriously. . .he can't act. . .or move his face in other expressions besides that neutral one he does to seem really really endearing, but any way. . .the action looks freaking amazeballs!!

4.  Ender's Game
I don't tell many people this because I don't want to lose my Sci-fi Geek card, but. . .I never read Ender's Game. However, after this trailer I MUST SEE THE MOVIE!!

 

5. Riddick: Red Band

I may be the only person on earth that loved the first Riddick movie. I'm so so so excited to see this next one and glad they ended up doing it.

So I'm sure I missed some really really great ones! 

What is a Fantasy/Sci-fi movie you've been excited to see? 

Are you hyped to see any of the ones I've already listed?

Movie Tickets Giveaway: City of Bones (The Mortal Instruments #1)

City of Bones is in theaters on August 21, 2013
GET YOUR MOVIE TICKETS HERE

Set in contemporary New York City, a seemingly ordinary teenager, Clary Fray (Lily Collins), discovers she is the descendant of a line of Shadowhunters, a secret cadre of young half-angel warriors locked in an ancient battle to protect our world from demons. After the disappearance of her mother (Lena Headey), Clary must join forces with a group of Shadowhunters, who introduce her to a dangerous alternate New York called Downworld, filled with demons, warlocks, vampires, werewolves and other deadly creatures. Based on the worldwide best-selling book series.

As you likely already know, this movie is based on the rather popular YA urban fantasy novel of the same name, by Cassandra Clare. I'd love to spend this blog post talking about how awesome the book is, but honestly…I haven't read it. Still, I'm excited about the movie. And it's a great opportunity for us to give crap away. We so enjoy giving crap away!

So let's cut to the chase, shall we?

The winner of this giveaway will get a $25 e-gift certificate to the online movie-ticket vendor of your choice, but you must choose a vendor that allows online purchase via a website that's in English. You can use the gift to buy tickets to City of Bones…or any other movie of your choice!

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Bang Bang: French Indie Art Movie HEARTBEATS

Saturday night, I found myself last Friday with a glass of wine, all kids asleep, and my husband out with his friends. So what does that mean?

MOMMY TIME!!!!!!!!

I immediately jumped on Netflix and browsed. 

What I found was HEARTBEATS!

Before I get into my FANGIRLDOM, check out the trailer!

This movie was Bananas!

I mean so damn good that I've been thinking and thinking and thinking about this movie all week!

It's brilliant and AMAZEBALLS!
Not only that but it's smart, the cinematography is enchanting, the acting is done so well I pretty much orgasmed by the middle of the movie, and the plotline. . . dear God I am a believer in this writer's work. . .I just need to find out who the writer is and then STALK Him or Her!!

It's
Dark
Romantic
Unusual
and
Frenchish

The only downer is that it is in subtitles. Usually I don't like subtitles, but this time it didn't bother me at all cause it was so fucking awesome!

So if you have time this upcoming weekend or maybe even during the week, try this movie! It will rock your world. 

Then come back and tell me what you thought!

Giveaway: Movie Tickets to Beautiful Creatures

Movie Ticket Giveaway!
We're giving one winner two movie tickets to Beautiful Creatures—or the movie of your choice. The prize will be awarded as a $25 Fandango digital gift card. Before we issue the prize, we'll email the winner to ask if he or she is outside Fandango's service area, in which case the winner can tell us where to purchase the movie digital gift card.

But before we get to the movie tickets, first you have to suffer through my ramblings about why I haven't read Beautiful Creatures, the book on which this move is based. (Or you could just skip to the bottom, but then you'd miss all the fun.)

Beautiful Creatures
by Kami Garcia & Margaret Stohl
Movie Release: February 14, 2013

Lena Duchannes is unlike anyone the small Southern town of Gatlin has ever seen, and she's struggling to conceal her power, and a curse that has haunted her family for generations. But even within the overgrown gardens, murky swamps and crumbling graveyards of the forgotten South, a secret cannot stay hidden forever.

Ethan Wate, who has been counting the months until he can escape from Gatlin, is haunted by dreams of a beautiful girl he has never met. When Lena moves into the town's oldest and most infamous plantation, Ethan is inexplicably drawn to her and determined to uncover the connection between them.

In a town with no surprises, one secret could change everything.

I'm really looking forward to this movie! The trailers look dark and edgy, and that's what I want. Usually, when I'm excited about an upcoming movie that's a book adaptation, I run out and pick up the book. Not in this case.

I love young adult books, I'm learning to love contemporary romance, and I love paranormal books. Despite all this, I have a love-hate relationship (mostly annoyance) with young adult paranormal romance. Why? There's so much depth available there, between the potential romance and the paranormal creatures and young adults with emotions running high. So much complexity and feeling can potentially be inserted into a young adult paranormal romance book. But most that I've read have turned out to be disappointingly superficial.

I'm not going to point fingers at particular young adult paranormal romance books I didn't like. Instead, let's focus on the positive: I highly recommend Daughter of Smoke and Bone (by Laini Taylor), and I had a lot of fun with the Hex Hall series (by Rachel Hawkins).

What young adult paranormal romance books would you recommend? One of the entry options for the giveaway is leaving a comment, so give me a recommendation please!

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The giveaway runs until February 13, and the movie opens on February 14. Remember: if you're outside Fandango's service area, we'll purchase the movie digital gift card from the movie website of your choice.

  See you at the theater!

Movie Tickets Giveaway: I'm Batman. And you can be Batman too!

Okay, you can't really be Batman, since he's the Batman. But you can have free movie tickets to The Dark Knight, courtesy of Two Fantasy Floozies. First, you have to listen to me ramble on about Batman. (Or you could just skip to the bottom.)

This list is by no means exclusive, but let's go through some of the many faces of Batman. Because you can't exactly go into The Dark Knight Rises without knowing the history.

Back in the day there was Adam West, who starred in the original Batman television series.


Give the guy a break.
That was a different era, and he was going for a different effect.


Then there was Michael Keaton, who starred in Batman and Batman Returns.


Very intimidating, yes?

Val Kilmer starred in Batman Forever.


This guy is usually a blond.

I like George Clooney, but the movie...


The public was particularly fond of this movie. Okay, not so much.


And then there was Christian Bale. I just adore Bale as Batman. He's handsome and dark, and he looks like he could totally kick someone's ass while being all dark and brooding. At the same time, he pulls off the Bruce Wayne playboy thing. I know the credit doesn't all go to Bale, but I loved the last two Batman movies.


The Fantasy Floozies approve!

To see Christian Bale as the goddamned Batman, enter the giveaway below! *Winner will receive a $25 Fandango gift certificate.

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